Why It’s a Myth That Building Trust Takes Time

Oct 27, 2022

Every time I talk about building trust I always get told: ‘Yes Thilan we know that it’s important but building trust takes a lot of time (and we ain’t got that in our day).’ 

That it takes time to really connect with people in a way that you can count on them, is such a story many so-called ‘leadership experts’ will tell that we have actually started believing in it.

My take on this?

It’s baloney that building trust takes time.

If that were true it would mean that every person you know for a long time is someone you can trust and vice versa: everyone you’ve just met seems unreliable.

The fact is that trust is a feeling, an emotion. You can’t say: from today onwards I’ll trust you. Well you can say it but it doesn’t work. You can’t rationally decide to trust someone. You need to feel that trust in your gut and your bones.

So who am I to tell you that building trust doesn’t have to take time?

It’s actually something that I have practised all my professional life.

First when I was a barrister, later when I was working on human rights and war crimes in the middle of killing fields and now in my role as team coach and mediator.

I always had to build trust immediately.

So I know that you can build trust on the spot but it takes a few things that are simple but not easy.

First of all you need to be authentic. You need to be you. 

People have a huge BS radar and will look through anything especially if you’re ‘fake’.

Secondly, you need to be transparent and have open and honest conversations.

People hate it when it seems to them you have a hidden agenda.

Thirdly, you need to give in order to receive.

If you want people to trust you, you need to give them the feeling you trust them first.

Once you have a genuine connection you can work with people and create amazing results. 

I hear you say: I can’t do. That’s just not me!

Well, in that case start with giving people at least a sliver of trust. Otherwise you can forget that they’re going to give you trust back. Believe you me! 

It is my personal belief, having worked with a lot of dodgy people, including (war) criminals, it may not always be easy, but if we can’t focus on the good in human beings then we are lost as a human race.

So if you want to be a respected leader, stop telling yourself that it takes time to build trust and start building real connections asap.

It will help you and it will help your team.

And…

Make sure you do this with everyone you come across and not just the people you gel with and who are just like you.

 
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